Grooming in the Workplace: When “Favoritism” Is a Red Flag

Most people associate grooming with personal relationships or high-profile abuse scandals. But grooming happens at work, too and it’s more common than you think.

Workplace grooming is a manipulative tactic where someone in a position of power builds false trust, blurs boundaries, and slowly gains control over a target. It’s not always obvious. In fact, it often starts with kindness, mentorship, or even favoritism. That’s what makes it so dangerous.

What Grooming Looks Like at Work

Imagine this:

A new manager singles you out early on. They praise you in meetings, ask for your input constantly, and give you early access to stretch projects. At first, it feels amazing—like someone finally sees your potential.

Then, things shift.

You start getting feedback that others see you as the “favorite.” Your peers back off. The manager begins oversharing personal stories, making subtle comments about loyalty, and discouraging you from working closely with other leaders.

When you make a mistake, the warmth disappears. You're iced out, micromanaged, or reprimanded in front of others. You try to set boundaries, but they’re met with guilt trips or gaslighting: “After everything I’ve done for you?”

This isn’t mentorship. It’s manipulation.

Common Grooming Tactics in the Workplace

• Love bombing: Over-the-top praise, inclusion, or access early on.

• Information control: Keeping you close to share confidential details or gossip that isolates you.

• Boundary testing: Casual comments that turn into inappropriate jokes or invasive questions.

• Manufactured loyalty: Creating a dynamic where you “owe” them—emotionally or professionally.

• Undermining others: Subtly positioning you as more capable or deserving than your colleagues to breed resentment.

Favoritism Isn’t Always a Compliment

When a boss consistently favors one employee, it may seem flattering—but it can be a tactic to divide and control.

Favoritism as part of grooming:

• Damages team trust and morale.

• Creates isolation for the favored employee.

• Sets up a “golden child” dynamic where one wrong move triggers withdrawal or punishment.

Often, this favoritism flips without warning—turning into scapegoating, retaliation, or even professional sabotage.

Why It’s So Hard to Name

Grooming thrives in ambiguity. The person grooming you isn’t always cruel—at least not at first. They’re charming, supportive, and attentive. By the time the behavior becomes problematic, you may doubt your own instincts or fear backlash for speaking up.

That’s the power of grooming: it keeps you guessing, self-editing, and quiet.

How to Protect Yourself

1. Track patterns, not just incidents. Write down what’s said, when behavior shifts, and how it affects your relationships at work.

2. Talk to someone outside the situation. A coach, mentor, or therapist can help you spot red flags more clearly.

3. Avoid isolation. Stay connected with trusted colleagues and keep your professional relationships broad.

4. Set boundaries early and clearly. If someone crosses them, note how they respond—it’s usually a tell.

Final Thoughts

Workplace grooming isn’t just uncomfortable—it’s a form of emotional abuse. It erodes your agency, fractures your credibility, and leaves lasting scars on your career and mental health.

At Ross Collaborative, we’re calling it what it is. Because exposure is the first step to change.